trying to avoid becoming what the people who supposedly "care" about me want me to be for THEIR CONVENIENCE.

i was learning how to work and put things back in the kitchen and i said to the guy who was training me, "i'm kinda having some difficulty doing things back here and i don't wanna get in the way or slow you down and i don't wanna get hurt.." then the guy said to me, "yeah.. i don't know what they were thinking- putting you back here.." then i overheard a girl say to him while he was complaining about how they expected him to teach me to help in the kitchen when i'm so slow and he's afraid i'll get hurt, "yeah.. i can't even understand her sometimes.." okay bitch, i've had at least THREE surgeries on my palate to assist me with speaking so people can understand me, along with numerous years of speech therapy. then i texted ginger (the lady who hired me) that i didn't think this job was the appropriate position for me. the girls at the front desk, who bob (the guy training me) was complaining to said, "yeah.. we need help on the weekends at the front desk. she could do that." then gabriela came in and she's the one taking ginger's place because she is sick or something and she spoke with me at a table, she asked me if i texted ginger telling her that i didn't think this position would work for me and i said, "yeah.. i interviewed for the front desk and then she tells me they're all filled." then i said, "well- one of the front desk people were talking to me and they claim they need help on the weekends in particular." then gabriela dismissed what they said and said, "no. we're full on weekends too." so i got the feeling they just totally weren't interested in hiring me. to top it off- a person at sabathani told me they only need me working there once a week. i don't wanna work in an environment where i'm treated as a burden and where people say they can't understand me. i don't wanna end up smoking like a chimney, drinking pepsis, and talking to my damn dogs all damn day (LIKE MY MOM- YEAH I SAID IT- NO PUSSYFOOTING HERE) SOUND FAMILIAR?.. i'm on the path to that shit and i'll kill myself if i ever do. people are so fucking unhelpful and entitled- they don't have the time to help me so i can get things in line so i can be TRULY successful which does NOT include sitting in a fucking wheelchair, hauling my ass mindlessly to courage kenny where they just give me more reasons to kill myself. i get laughed at for having any fucking goals in my life just because they're not CONVENIENT to anyone else. this is MY life. it ALWAYS has been. NOT "WHATEVER'S MORE CONVENIENT FOR RELATIVES WHO JUST ACT SUPPORTIVE WHEN IT'S GOOD FOR THEM". SO THAT COUNTS MY MOM AND AMANDA OUT. JUST because my goals don't interest YOU- doesn't give you the right to laugh at them and call me stupid, totally dismissing ANY way for me to make MY OWN life. NOT JUST TO SATISFY SOME PEOPLE WHO DON'T OWN THIS LIFE.